There are rumors circulating that Kid Rock is considering running for office in the 2018 elections. I am going to level with you, Kid (if I may call you that). This would be one of the dumbest decisions of your life. Your uncanny ability to ruin Warren Zevon and Lynyrd Skynyrd is just one of many signs that you are not fit to serve. You are a musician who has lacked the ability to put original music behind your shitty lyrics. Werewolves of London and Sweet Home Alabama are both objectively better pieces of music than your unwarranted mangling of the two. You might be asking yourself, why is this relevant to my potential campaign? Well Kid the answer is that it’s not. I only mean to present the fact that you are a failure in your current line of work. While that may appear harsh, I hope that you take this message as a call to action. I hope that you read this and strive to improve your musical efforts. Hang in there pal. Don't give up on your dreams of being a talented musician just to some day to run for senate.
Look at the sitting president of the United States. He is quite obviously bored his duties. This is evident when you look at the amount of time he spends at his golf courses. Campaigning and rallying is entirely different than having a position in our nation’s government. Kid the majority of your time as a senator or congressman will be spent as a telemarketer. You will sit for hours on end in a musty call center begging people donations. Is that how you want to spend those years? Wearing a headset like some guy in Bangladesh who makes a dollar a day? You could be out there writing your own music. I know this idea sounds crazy after the success of your mash up, but it could be a worthwhile experience. Today, listening to your music acts as a reminder that better musicians exist. Is that the legacy that you want to have live on? I can’t imagine that it is Kid.
I am not here to tell you how to live your life Kid. Despite the name, you are in fact an adult. You have the right as an american to attempt a run for office. I am simply presenting my opinion on this decision. I believe that this is a terrible idea. I believe that you should focus more on your attempts at being a musician. Most of all, I believe that you should consider the well being of the nation. Yes, In Trumps America, I believe that you absolutely could win an election. Would that be the best thing for the nation though? Probably not kid. Probably not.